Save the Pearls: Chapter 15 (Or, Rap Artists did Climate Change)

Apologies this recap’s delay. Shit in real life got busy.

Previously, on Save the Pearls: The Crew landed in the Amazon, and Bramford was greeted as a Aztec Jaguar Messiah by the Huaorani, who are native to the Amazon. Somehow Eden and her father didn’t spontaneously combust when they stepped into the equatorial sunlight. Now, they’re off to “La Zona Intangibale” which is bafflingly translated to mean “No-Man’s Land.”

Continue reading “Save the Pearls: Chapter 15 (Or, Rap Artists did Climate Change)”

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Save the Pearls: Chapter 12 (or, Sex, Drugs, and A Goddamn Nerd)

Previously, on Save the Pearls: Eden, Bramford, and Dr. Dad escaped on an airplane. then they escape on another airplane at Mach 20! Eden thinks Bramford is a major fucking hottie, but also thinks about how he’ll be rejected from society due to his new catface? Then she went on an Oxy bender. Yeah, it’s kind of all over the place.

Continue reading “Save the Pearls: Chapter 12 (or, Sex, Drugs, and A Goddamn Nerd)”

Save the Pearls: Chapter 10 (Or, Alpha Male Pwns Beta Leftists)

Previously, on Save the Pearls: Captured by Jamal and his FFP communist/terrorist/racist pals, Eden had to think fast to fuck up their plans. Her solution? Burn fucking everything. While this allowed her to escape, the FFP caught up to her. When all was lost, Bramford completed his transition to being a literal cat man, and Eden was totally into it.

Oh, and even though this chapter doesn’t escalate the rascism past what we’ve seen, it still manages to be the worst chapter yet!

Continue reading “Save the Pearls: Chapter 10 (Or, Alpha Male Pwns Beta Leftists)”

Save the Pearls: Chapter 9 (or, Catman Begins)

Previously, on Save the Pearls: After the original test subjects went missing, Bramford volunteered to be turned into a CatBoy. Eden ran off to find Jamal, only to discover that he was actually a communist revolutionary/terrorist who literally wore a beret “at a jaunty angle”. He revealed his evil plot to take the Animorph tech for himself, and Eden felt betrayed.

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Save the Pearls: Chapter 7 (or, The Chapter I Accidentally Skipped And Didn’t Even Notice Because It Made No Difference)

So, you’re probably  thinking, wait, didn’t you already review chapter 7? The answer is no, I did not. The “what about the alt-left” chapter is actually chapter 8, and I somehow skipped over chapter 7 entirely. This is the real chapter 7.  

Previously, on Save the Pearls: After being captured by two scary members of the FFP, Eden is taken to the Moon Dance, where she almost raped twice! Though she briefly escapes, she is recaptured, but just when she loses all hope of rescue, her boss Bramford appears to save her. He says some Edward Cullen/Christian Grey-type stuff, and then they leave. Continue reading “Save the Pearls: Chapter 7 (or, The Chapter I Accidentally Skipped And Didn’t Even Notice Because It Made No Difference)”

Save the Pearls: Chapter 8(or, What About The Alt-Left?)

EDIT: I originally thought that this was chapter  7, but it turns out that I skipped an entire chapter, so this is actually chapter 8. Oops.

Previously, on Save the Pearls: After being captured by two scary members of the FFP, Eden is taken to the Moon Dance, where she almost raped twice! Though she briefly escapes, she is recaptured, but just when she loses all hope of rescue, her boss Bramford appears to save her. He says some Edward Cullen/Christian Grey-type stuff, and then they return to her father’s lab.

 

Previously, on Save the Pearls: Eden and Bramford flew on an airplane back to the lab. We learned there’s an Important Fire going on on the surface! That was it.

Continue reading “Save the Pearls: Chapter 8(or, What About The Alt-Left?)”

Save the Pearls: Chapter 6 (or, Attempted Rape is OK when White People Do It.)

Previously, on Save the Pearls: As Eden made her way to the Moon Dance, she contemplated her father’s plan to turn everyone into cat/snake/bird hybrids. Then, she fell into the clutches of some black rapist men! And honestly the whole thing reads like I imagine racist problematic rape-fantasy erotica does.

Continue reading “Save the Pearls: Chapter 6 (or, Attempted Rape is OK when White People Do It.)”