Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 13: The High Priestess

Previously, on Handbook for Mortals: Zeb cryptically told Zade that she needed to take something more seriously, and Zade didn’t bother to get him to clarify. Zade continued to make friends when she heard Sofia singing. Mac and Zade took a walk through the park, which ended in romantic tickling and a kiss. The next day, Zade literally ran into Jackson, who hit on her, and a random little girl recognized Zade and told her how amazing she was. Jesus Christ, Act Two drags.

Yet again, we open with a statement about multiple weeks having passed since the previous chapter’s end. Life has been going well for Zade, but she hints that things may soon take a turn for the worse:

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 12: The Sun

Previously, on Handbook for Mortals: Zade continued to be indecisive over which boy she likes more, while reveling in her makeup collection. Jackson said hi, and Zade overheard Jackson Charles and Zeb arguing about something that might have been her. Zade made dinner for Mac, who got twitchy about her spending time with Charles.

Chapter 12 beings just as Zade has arrived at work, and right away, we launch straight into some action. I’m being serious: in the very second sentence of the chapter, Zeb approaches Zade:

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 10: The Hanged Man

Previously, on Handbook for Mortals: Eleven guys saw Zade walk by and were rendered speechless by her beauty. Jackson and Mac talk about Zade, and that all is fair in love and war. An audio tech named Drew is introduced, never to be seen again, possibly because Mac is a serial killer.

We open “a few weeks” after the Lemonade Incident. Zade is at a bar with some coworkers. She says she’s still trying to figure out the “‘Mac and Jackson’ situation,” but that whenever she’s hanging out with either of them, it never gets brought up.

That said, I could tell they were both starting to get antsy an I knew that sooner rather than later they would want some kind of answers

This is the least dramatic love triangle I’ve ever seen. What’s the point of having a love triangle if the love interests are laid back about it and the main girl feels vaguely fond of each?

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 9: Temperance

Previously, on Handbook for Mortals: Zade went to a Plain White T’s show, complete with cameo appearances by all the band members. Jackson hit on her. Mac hit on her. A random Lemonade guy hit on her! Also, Zade read tarot cards to choose which guy to date, and her mother also read tarot cards which did nothing to move the story along. Finally, Zade assaulted a sad ugly Lemonade girl.

Oh, and I made a new, improved Plain White T’s poster:


Chapter 9 opens in third-person italics. It also ends in third-person italics. It’s actually entirely third-person italics, and, thankfully, it’s pretty short. It also only features Zade in passing, although she is still the focus of everyone’s attention. Because of course she is.

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 8: The Star

Previously, on Handbook for Mortals: Jackson invited Zade to come see his show, and Mac took her on a magic motorcycle ride that ended with passionate kissing. Zade went to the mall to buy a dress for her date, and ran into Carrot Top and Wayne Newton. Finally, a random magic girl attacked Zade, said some cryptic shit, jumped into a bright orange Lamborghini and sped off.

Just a warning: this is a long one.

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 7: Strength (Featuring Carrot Top and Wayne Newton!)

Previously on Handbook for Mortals: Everyone flirts with Zade, except a couple of bitter meanypants named Sofia and Mel, who are jealous that everyone flirts with Zade.

We open with a long explanation of the magic show’s rehearsal schedule, and none of it matters so if you want to learn more about the gritty realities of working on a Vegas show, you’ll have to buy the book.

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 6: The Moon

Previously: Bitchy Sofia hit on Mac, who rejected her. Mac asked Zade to go scuba diving, and accidentally said a sex joke. Tad made fun of Mac for refusing to admit that he’s into Zade.

We start a few days after the last chapter ends, and Zade is camping with the cast/crew. She says she likes the outdoors, and that she has no survival skills. She says she should have put up her tent right away, but procrastinated and went swimming until it was nighttime, and now she has to set up her tend in the dark.

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 5: The Emperor

Perviously, on Handbook For Mortals: Zade had a vision about someone falling, but couldn’t figure out what it meant until it was almost too late,  and had Zade not pushed her at the last minute, Sofia, the bitchy girlfriend of their boss, would have fallen 50 feet to her death rather than flat onto her back in a pool of water. Luckily, she’s fine. After that, Zade and Mac reconciled and learned that they have a lot in common.

This chapter opens in the third-person italics, and we learn that much of the cast and crew of Charles Spellman’s magic show are gathered at a bar for someone’s birthday.

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Handbook for Mortals: Chapter 4: The Empress

Previously, on Handbook for Mortals:

Zade met Jackson, who is a total hottie. Also, Mac perved on her while she was undressed, and when called out on it, threatened to murder her and his best friend. It was dull.

Did any of that matter? Of course not. This time, Zade begins:

Considering how much I wanted to keep my secrets, well, secret, a few days later I probably brought a little too much attention to myself.

Even when Zade wants to be discrete, she can’t help but to remind everyone that the World Revolves Around Her (this is #8).

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